You’ve been there before. The start of a new week, a fresh new planner, and the best of intentions. You map out your perfect self-care routine: a morning walk, 30 minutes of journaling, and a healthy, home-cooked meal every night. For a day or two, it works. You feel great, energized, and on top of your game.
Then, life happens. An urgent work deadline, a child with a fever, or a sleepless night throws everything off course. Suddenly, your carefully crafted plan crumbles, leaving you feeling frustrated and defeated. You aren’t lazy or unmotivated. The problem isn’t you; it’s the plan itself.
This is the exact reason we need to stop just planning for self-care and start systemizing it.
The Problem With Plans
We are conditioned to think in terms of plans. Whether it’s a business strategy, a vacation itinerary, or a fitness regimen, we lay out a static, fixed sequence of actions to achieve a specific goal. Plans are based on the assumption that things will go, well, as planned. But in the real world, this is a dangerous assumption.
Think of it this way: a plan is a single, rigid road from point A to point B. It’s effective as long as there are no roadblocks, detours, or unexpected weather. But the moment something shifts, the plan becomes obsolete. Your self-care plan is a perfect example of this. It’s an ideal to strive for, but it’s not built to handle the messiness of real life.
Plans also rely on two very unreliable resources: willpower and memory. Our willpower is a finite resource that gets depleted with every decision we make throughout the day. By the time we get to our self-care activity, our resolve has often evaporated. Similarly, our memories fail us. We forget to do the thing, or we remember too late, leading to a cycle of guilt and failure.
Why a System Changes Everything
A system, on the other hand, is a continuous, adaptable framework. It shifts the focus from a predetermined outcome to a sustainable process. A system for self-care isn’t about hitting a specific goal on a specific day; it’s about creating an infrastructure that supports you no matter what the day brings.
Instead of a single road, a system is a network of interconnected pathways. If one route is blocked, you simply take another. Systems are designed to be flexible and resilient, incorporating feedback and allowing for adjustments. They build lasting habits and routines that sustain you for the long term, not just for a week or two.
Consider the difference with an example. A plan for journaling might be to write three pages every morning at 7 a.m. This is specific and measurable. But what happens if you oversleep? The plan is broken, and it’s easy to feel like you’ve failed.
A system for journaling, however, would focus on the practice itself. It might include:
- Keeping your journal and a pen on your nightstand so it’s the first thing you see.
- Setting a simple reminder on your phone to journal before bed.
- Having a list of optional prompts so you’re never stuck on what to write.
- Allowing for a range of what “counts” as journaling, from a full page of thoughts to just jotting down a few bullet points.
This system encourages the habit and makes it easy to engage in the practice, regardless of the time or how you feel. It reduces the friction, so the healthy choice becomes the easy choice.
The Flexibility Factor: More Freedom, Less Rigidity
The word “system” can sound rigid and dry, but the best systems are actually the opposite. They create more freedom and support in your life, not less. This is especially crucial for groups that need ultimate flexibility.
- Caregivers: With unpredictable schedules, a system allows for “minimum viable” self-care. A five-minute shower counts. A quick walk around the block still matters. It gives them options when a full hour isn’t possible.
- Those with Energy Challenges: People who struggle with chronic illness, anxiety, or depression need systems that let them scale up or down based on their energy levels. The system gives them a way to practice self-care on a difficult day without feeling like they have to do it all.
- Rebels and Creatives: If you crave variety and resist rigid rules, a system can be a lifesaver. You can build in options and choices, rotating different activities while still maintaining a consistent practice.
The Four Essential Elements of a Self-Care System
To build a system that works for you, focus on these four core elements:
- Environment and Tools: Reduce the effort required to start. Place your yoga mat in the living room, keep a book on your nightstand instead of your phone, or have a water bottle in every room. By putting the right tools in the right places, you make it easy to start the activity without a second thought.
- Triggers and Reminders: Use cues to prompt your self-care. This is where the concept of habit stacking comes in. Pair a new self-care activity with something you already do every day. For example, stretch while your coffee brews, or journal right after you brush your teeth.
- Support and Accountability: Don’t go it alone. This can be as simple as telling a friend about your goals, working with a coach, or using a calendar app that sends you reminders. For those who are “Obligers” (people who are motivated by external accountability), this element is especially powerful.
- Flexibility: Build in options from the very beginning. Create a “baseline” and a “bonus” for each activity. Your baseline is the absolute minimum you can do on your hardest days. For example, your baseline for movement might be a five-minute stretch, while your bonus is a full 30-minute workout. This ensures that every effort “counts” and you never feel like a failure.
Building Your System, One Step at a Time
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life at once. Start with a single self-care activity. Choose something you want to do more of, whether it’s walking, resting, or a mindfulness practice.
Then, apply the four elements:
- What environment can you create to support it?
- What triggers or reminders can you use?
- Who or what can offer you support?
- How can you build in flexibility for the hard days?
You may find that a little structure gives you more freedom than you ever imagined.
Self-care isn’t a luxury or something you get around to when everything else is done. It’s essential. It deserves the same level of support you give your household or your business. By shifting from a plan to a system, you can keep self-care alive and thriving, not just on the good days, but on the hard ones too.
Ready to take the next step? Download the Positively Productive Toolkit to help you cultivate the self-awareness needed for the most effective habits and systems.
